


the only one

by arielmagicesi



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: M/M, talking about feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-24
Updated: 2016-07-24
Packaged: 2018-07-26 08:57:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7568080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arielmagicesi/pseuds/arielmagicesi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adam thought for a moment that maybe he ought to be jealous, but he knew full well that Ronan wasn’t the type to genuinely be interested in someone other than the person he was dating. Besides, he was going to take this all in- Ronan, embarrassed, not capable of speaking correctly, red and fidgety. It was an entertaining spectacle.</p>
<p>(Adam finds out about one of Ronan's childhood crushes and they talk about feelings. From a Tumblr prompt: Pynch + "It's always been you")</p>
            </blockquote>





	the only one

Church with the Lynches had been odd the first time Adam had come along. He hadn’t realized that there were quite so many rituals involved in Sunday Mass- kneeling and praying and receiving crackers from the priest, which had been incredibly uncomfortable. Adam respected Ronan’s religion, but he wasn’t going to participate in it.

Ronan was fine with that. “You being there in Mass is distracting anyway,” he’d said, when Adam had told him he wouldn’t be coming along again if he could help it.

Still, this particular Sunday morning, early in April, Adam found himself daydreaming about sitting next to Ronan in the pews, shoulders pressed together, watching the way Ronan paid attention like he never did in class. Instead of being here, in the overheated auto shop, tinkering at a car that he’d already fixed because there wasn’t much business today.

His shift ended a little before services at St. Agnes ended, so Adam drove back quickly, hoping to catch Ronan right out of church.

By the time he got there, there was already a flood of well-dressed people pouring out into the parking lot. Adam parked quickly and got out of his car, looking for the Lynch brothers, who were nowhere to be seen.

Tentatively, he headed inside the church, to the hallway right outside the chapel. Then he spotted the three of them: Declan, looking bored and checking his phone; Matthew, smiling good-naturedly; and Ronan, who looked, inexplicably, somewhat mortified.

They were all talking to some guy that Adam didn’t recognize.

Adam waved from the end of the hall to get Ronan’s attention, and it took Ronan a moment to spot him. Oddly, he looked even more mortified upon seeing Adam, turning red.

What was going on? And who was it they were talking to? He was tall, Adam could see, about as tall as Ronan, and pretty good-looking: curly brown hair, nice arms, well-defined muscles that were obvious through his suit.

“Hey,” Adam said, coming over to stand by the three Lynch brothers. The stranger looked at him curiously.

“Oh,” Declan said. “Hey, Adam. This is Patrick; he’s an old family friend visiting town. Patrick, this is Adam. He’s Ronan’s… uh…”

“Boyfriend,” Ronan filled in, his expression turning into a challenge.

“Oh!” Patrick said, not able to hide his surprise. “Well. Nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you,” Adam said. God. This was going to be awkward.

“You know, he’s at college studying computer science,” Matthew chimed in, oblivious to any awkwardness as usual. “You do science, right, Adam?”

“Well, not computer science,” Adam said. “But uh. Yeah, I guess.”

“Oh, cool,” Patrick said. “Yeah, like I was saying, college is going pretty well. Still miss Singer’s Falls, of course. Used to love visiting the Barns.”

“You should come visit again sometime!” Matthew said. “Ronan is fixing them up, now. He could give you a tour of all the new stuff he’s planting.”

Adam, Ronan, and Declan all looked horrified at that.

“You’re fixing up the Barns, huh?” Patrick said, fixing his gaze on Ronan. “That must be a lot of work.”

And then the last thing Adam had expected happened- Ronan turned red.

“Uh, yeah, takes fucking forever,” he said, not meeting Patrick’s eyes.

“I’m sure it’s worth it, though. The Barns were always so beautiful in the summertime.”

Ronan ran his hands over the side of his jacket and said, “Yeah. I mean- yes. Yeah.”

Adam stared over at him. He was never this flustered with anyone, except maybe sometimes with Adam-

Then it clicked. Adam’s eyes widened. Ronan was attracted to this guy.

Adam thought for a moment that maybe he ought to be jealous, but he knew full well that Ronan wasn’t the type to genuinely be interested in someone other than the person he was dating. Besides, he was going to take this all in- Ronan, embarrassed, not capable of speaking correctly, red and fidgety. It was an entertaining spectacle.

“I wish I _could_ come visit the Barns,” Patrick was saying, while Ronan stared at the ground. “They were my favorite place to go as a kid. Remember when we used to play hide and seek there?”

“Yeah, that was fun,” Matthew said. “You were really good at it. Ronan was terrible.”

Ronan sent a glare Matthew’s way, and Adam bit back a smile.

“Ha, yeah, I remember that,” Patrick said, laughing. “You always gave yourself away, even if you had a good hiding spot.”

Ronan’s fists clenched.

“Man, that was so long ago,” Patrick said. “But yeah, I can’t visit the Barns, I’ve got to head back to my parents’ house. Great to see you all again, though.”

Declan and Matthew said goodbye politely while Ronan continued to study the floor.

“You could at least try to be cordial, Ronan,” Declan said, once Patrick was out of earshot.

“Fuck off, Declan,” Ronan said, without much of the usual bite to it.

“Fine, I’m not responsible for people thinking you’re a jackass. Come on, Matthew, I said I’d take you out to lunch.”

Matthew lit up and started talking about where he wanted to go for lunch. Ronan’s face was still furiously red.

“Jesus fucking Christ, Parrish, why don’t you take a picture,” he said, when he saw Adam’s knowing smile.

“That’s no way to talk in a church,” Adam said.

“You asshole.”

Adam laughed and took Ronan’s hand, leading him out of the church. He added, as they walked out the door, “I can’t believe I just met your childhood crush.”

“Jesus _fucking_ Christ,” Ronan said again. “You’re the worst.”

He started walking a little bit faster, and Adam sped up after him, eager to mess with him further.

“Any other old crushes I don’t know about?” Adam said. “Did you write sappy poems about them?”

“Parrish, I swear to God.”

Ronan opened the door that led to the staircase up to Adam’s apartment, not meeting Adam’s eyes.

“I bet you were really adorable about it when you were a kid,” Adam said, following him up the stairs. “You know, pining over Patrick.”

“Hilarious,” Ronan said. “Really, fucking hilarious.”

His teeth were gritted as he unlocked Adam’s apartment, and Adam, not wanting to actually upset him about this, said, “You know I really am just kidding. I don’t care who you liked when you were a kid.”

Ronan didn’t say anything, just sat himself unceremoniously on Adam’s bed. He was staring at the ceiling, still looking embarrassed. Adam closed the door and went to sit next to him.

“Hey,” Adam said, leaning closer. “You’re cute when you get all flustered like that.”

“I wasn’t flustered,” Ronan muttered.

“Please, Ronan. I have eyes. You could barely even talk to him.”

“Whatever,” Ronan said, turning redder, and Adam leaned in to leave kisses on his flushed skin. Ronan hummed a little in approval.

“You’re not jealous, are you?” Ronan said, after a few minutes of Adam kissing down his neck.

“What?” Adam asked, looking up. “No, come on. I know by now that you’re not going to leave me, even for some handsome church-going tall guy.”

“So you _are_ jealous.”

“Maybe a little,” Adam admitted. “I didn’t know you’d ever even liked anyone else.”

“You really thought you were the only person I ever had a thing for?” Ronan asked.

Adam shrugged. He realized, belatedly, that that had probably been a fairly vain assumption, but Ronan had always seemed that type- fiercely loyal, strictly monogamous, someone who fell in love only once.

Ronan let out a laugh, not a cruel one, though.

“Well,” he said. “You’re the only person I’ve ever fallen in love with.”

Adam smiled against Ronan’s neck.

“Sappy motherfucker,” he murmured, and then leaned back against the wall. Ronan leaned back with him.

“I’m not still into him, you know,” Ronan said. “I just- he and his family moved away a few years back, so I hadn’t seen him since I was, like, twelve. It was just kind of a surprise.”

“Makes sense,” Adam said. “Man, if I had to run into one of the girls I had crushes on in middle school-”

“Don’t lie, Parrish. We’ve run into your ex-girlfriends before and you’re smooth as shit with them. Hell, you weren’t even awkward with Sargent when you guys broke up.”

“Well, maybe not as awkward as you just were with Patrick downstairs,” Adam said, raising his eyebrows.

Ronan sighed, irritated, and closed his eyes.

“Oh, come on,” Adam said. “It doesn’t matter. You’re never gonna see him again, probably. I don’t think he even noticed.”

“I don’t care about that,” Ronan said. “I was just thinking.”

He stared up at the ceiling, and Adam ran his hand into Ronan’s, looking over at him questioningly. “Yeah?” he asked.

“I didn’t really have a lot of… crushes, ever,” he said. “I mean, yeah, I had a crush on Patrick when I was twelve, but it wasn’t really a _thing_. It was just a little obsession more than anything. You know, a dumbass little kid thing.”

“Yeah, Ronan, everyone has those, I’m pretty sure.”

“I know, but I didn’t ever have anything but that, you know? Like I never actually cared about anyone in that way and lost my shit about them and all that. I _don’t_ have any fucking shitty love poems I wrote anywhere.”

Adam looked down at their hands.

“It’s like I was waiting,” Ronan said. “Waiting for you. It’s always been you, even before I knew you.”

Adam didn’t say anything, because he wasn’t sure if he could say anything, and then he finally breathed out, “Jesus, Ronan. Don’t… say shit like that…”

Ronan glanced over at him, eyebrows raised.

“I thought you knew how I felt about you, dumbass,” he said.

“I do know,” Adam said. “Sometimes it’s just a little much.”

It had been months since they’d gotten together. They knew each other inside and out; they’d known each other for a long time. It wasn’t _news_ to Adam that Ronan loved him, and that he loved him as fiercely and intensely as he did anything, as he dreamed or raced or prayed. But sometimes he was used to it, and sometimes he was overwhelmed by it.

Sometimes he felt like he wasn’t giving enough in return.

Ronan was quiet, holding his hand and looking down at the bed, which was cast in soft shadows from the April light coming in the window.

“It isn’t such a big deal,” Ronan said, after a while. “It’s the truth.”

“With you,” Adam said, “the truth is usually something bigger than you think it is.”

Ronan’s love was like the ocean- always there, always moving, sometimes a gentle wave and sometimes a storm. Adam’s love was like the rain- only alive when the cycle fed it.

He wanted to be pouring rain every second, with Ronan.

Ronan leaned in and kissed him softly.

“You’re the only person I’ve ever wanted to spend my life with,” he said.

“Ronan,” Adam said. “Why are you saying this?”

“Because it’s true. Because it’s fucking ridiculous. I don’t believe in soulmates and true loves and bullshit like that.”

“Neither do I,” Adam said. “But you’re also the only person I’ve ever fallen in love with.”

Then Ronan sat up, looking him in the eye.

“What?” Adam said. “I thought you knew how I felt, dumbass.”

Ronan’s eyes were wide, head tilted.

“Yeah, but… I fucking thought… I didn’t know I was the _only_ one, Parrish,” he said.

He sounded a little bit wondrous.

“Just because I’ve dated other people,” Adam said, “doesn’t mean I loved them. I mean, yeah, I liked them. Maybe I loved them, even, as friends. But not the way I feel about you. You’re the only one.”

Ronan stared at him, like Adam kept the secrets of the universe inside his eyes. And Adam wondered if it was possible that he _was_ returning all of Ronan’s love.

“Come here,” Ronan said, finally, and pulled Adam in to kiss him.

**Author's Note:**

> Just a quick note- I know Adam says "everyone's had crushes like that" or whatever, and I know some people haven't, but I figured Adam would say something along those lines to comfort Ronan from feeling weird.  
> (additionally, Ronan says "you weren't even awkward with Sargent" which is blatantly untrue, but Ronan clearly has a higher bar for "awkward" than normal people)  
> Let me know what you think! I'm also on tumblr at arielmagicesi if you want to talk to me there :)


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